Busy Bee

I've been a very busy girl lately.

Thursday was Showdown. I went to work at normal time. Then around noon, I rode with a co-worker over to Chuys. We had open bar and buffet. Since it was open bar, Justin suggested that we do shots. So, Justin, Amanda, and I did shots. After Chuys, we headed over to Frankys. There, we drank more and did more shots. I had my first tequila shot since I was 18. I was glad to see that I didn't throw up. At Frankys we met John Carlo from New York. We ended up hanging out with him for the rest of the night. After Frankys, we took a cab to Showdown, There, everyone rode the mechanical bull. We decided to leave and go to the Corner Pub. After having drinks there, we walked to Louie's and ate pizza. Finally, I was driven back to my car.


Justin @ Showdown

Amanda and I

Justin, Amanda, and Courtney in the cab

John Carlo

I stopped at Les' before I went home. It was our last chance to see each other before he moved. It was a good time, but it was cut short because I started to feel sick. I went home, and tried to go to bed. I finally decided that maybe I would just go sit next to the toilet. As soon as I sat down in front of it, I threw up. It's been so long since I've thrown up. Bleh!

Saturday Kristin and I went to Casey's wedding. It was a nice wedding. We didn't get to hang out with the guys like we had hoped. I ended up seeing Suzi (my hairdresser) there. Around 9 we headed home.

Casey's Groom's cake

Kristin and I

Casey and I

Seth, me, and Brad

Sunday I had to work. It was actually busy for the first time in 3 weeks. It felt so good to actually make money.

Today I called into work. I haven't been feeling good lately. I don't have much of an appetite, and then when I eat I feel sick. I was pretty lazy all day. I did manage to do some cleaning, laundry, make a trip to the grocery store, and finally cut up my pineapple. I think pineapple is my new favorite thing!

Another day

Well, yesterday was a long day, but I got through it.

I was bored at work, so 5 o’clock seemed forever away. On my way home, Les called. He acted like nothing had happened. I’m just really confused. I don’t know if he doesn’t think we broke up or if he is just being friends. And I feel real awkward asking him. But I feel like if I don’t say anything, then we will end up together again.

After work Kristin came over to work out. We went jogging in the park across from my apartment. Well, I attempted to jog. We were so hot and sweaty that we thought jumping in the pool would be a good idea. We went back to my apartment, changed, and headed to the pool. I dipped my foot in and discovered that it was freezing. So we sat with our feet in the pool for a few minutes. Then we went into the workout room and used the weight machine. After all of our working out, I cooked chicken, squash, and eggplant. That squash was so good!

After Kristin and Elora left, I was so exhausted. So I just got in my pajamas and passed out. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my apartment is a complete mess. I really need to spend tonight cleaning it.

After work I came home and cleaned. I only got the kitchen done and some of the living room. I still need to do a lot. I also need to cut up my pineapple and make pico.

Les called me today. He told me that he is moving to Frisco with his sister. He can't move in with his dad, so me doesn't have much of a choice. I think it will be good for him. He was like "well there is a good chance that you will never see me again." So I guess he did get the point that we are not together any more. At least him moving away removes all temptation. I'm going over to see him Thursday to give him back his stuff. It will be weird not having him around.

FYI.....my legs are sore. I didn't get to workout today because I was busy cleaning, and now I'm too tired. I know, excuses, excuses!!

No Bueno

This past weekend was pretty much a disaster.

Thursday I went swimming with Kristin and Stacey at the gym. It felt good to work out and swim. I swam so many laps I really thought I was going to throw up. I also got to get in the hot tub. I love hot tubs!

Friday I had to work both jobs. My stomach was bothering me, and I was so tired, so I left The Bronx early. I went over to Mom’s because she was having a cookout for Aunt Lana’s birthday. I ended up staying over there until 3am. When I got home, someone was parked in my parking spot, so I had to park pretty far from my apartment. I was so exhausted by the time I got into my apartment, that I decided against calling a tow truck. Instead, I just passed out. A little after 4am, Les called me yelling at me. He apparently had been pissed off earlier in the day, so he spent the rest of the day getting angrier and angrier. It took me a minute to realize what was going on. Then I started talking back to him, and he hung up on me. I was up for about an hour crying. He had never been so mean to me before. Finally around 5am I fell asleep.

I had so many plans for Saturday, but I ended up not doing any of them. I spent most of the day sleeping on and off, and moping around. I tried calling Les, but he didn’t answer. I tried to do some cleaning, but I didn’t get very far. So, the day was pretty much a waist.

Sunday I had to work. I stopped and got doughnuts before I went to work. I only had 3 tables, and I made $9. I don’t understand why it’s so slow. Thank goodness I don’t have to rely on that job to make rent. After work I met Mom at Farmers Market. I always thought it was bigger. I ended up getting strawberries, grapes, oranges, squash, eggplant, lemons, cilantro, and pineapple. I can’t wait to eat my pineapple! Then I went home and took a nap. I tried calling Les again and he answered. He was still pissed off at me. I finally ended it with him. I was starving when I woke up, so I went to Chipotle. I really needed to go to the store, but I didn’t want to. I finally talked myself into going at 9:30pm. I came home, put up my groceries and went to bed.

Today is one of those days where I just want to go back to bed and sleep all day. I’m feeling real down about Les. I hate that it had to end with us yelling at each other. But he said some real hurtful things that I can’t forget. I know that it would have never worked out, and that I would have never been happy, but he was my best friend for a year and a half. I talked to him everyday and did everything with him. It’s just hard to let all that go. I’m just sad that it’s over. That we will never be close again. I guess I’m in the breakup phase where you think “crap, what did I just do?” Why can’t your head and heart ever agree?

But, I do have a busy week ahead, so hopefully I won’t have too much time to sulk. Tuesday I have a wine tasting at The Bronx. Wednesday I have to work both jobs. Thursday is Showdown. Friday I have to work both jobs. Saturday is Casey’s wedding. And I have to work on Sunday. I also need to focus on my eating again. I got so sidetracked this past weekend. Kristin is going to come over tonight to go jogging with me. Maybe I can channel all of my feeling about Les into working out.

Progress

Well, it’s been one week since I started my new lifestyle. And things are going well. I’ve already lost 5 pounds! One more pound and I will be below 200. I’ve been trying to make better choices when I eat. Les and I went to Jason’s Deli and I ordered a turkey sandwich and fruit. I’ve also been trying to drink a lot of water. Mom bought me a Brita pitcher to help me.

Now I just need to get some exercise in my daily routine. I have a bunch of work-out videos at home, so I need to start doing them at night. I would really like to start running. There is a park across from my apartments, so I should take advantage of that.

So, one of my co-workers is thinking about going to Europe to teach English. I started doing some research on it, and I got very interested. You have to take a class to get certified, and then you go overseas for a year. I heard that some places pay for your place to stay and give you an allowance. You only make around $1,000 a month, but if you don’t have any bills, then it’s just extra spending money. If I did it, I would teach in Spain. I talked to Mom about it and she seems to think it would be a good experience for me. I didn’t have a problem adapting in London. And we all know how well I get along with Mexicans! I’ve always wanted to go to Spain, and I’ve always wanted to fluently speak Spanish. Now would be a great time to do it. After a year at my current job, they want you to move on. So, before I settle into a career, I could go do this. Before I get married, have kids, and have more bills. I want to travel more. And I want to really live life. But right now, it’s just something that I’m researching; nothing set in stone.

Blah

Today was one of those days I just wanted to crawl back in bed and stay there. I was in a funky mood all day. Probably because I had a lot on my mind.

Today I started writing down everything I eat. It was a real eye opener. It's not the food I'm eating that surprised me, but rather my calorie intake. I thought I did pretty good today, but I ate 2,010 calories. But at least now I am aware of it. I did have 4 glasses of water and NO coke or tea today. Pretty impressive I'd have to say. So, my goal for tomorrow is to cut down my calories.

I also get to work both jobs tomorrow. It sucks, but I really want to make some money.

It's time for a change

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. I've come to the conclusion that I need to change the way I live my life.

The first thing that has been on my mind is my friendships. I only have a few close friends. I love my friends, but they are not the best of friends. When I call, I very rarely get an answer. I have better luck with text messages, but that's not even certain. They are flaky and can never committ to something. And most of the time, if they say they will come, they don't. I really can't rely on them. And others are just too busy. I guess I feel left out. I mean, not like they are all hanging out with each other and not me, but rather that they are busy doing things that don't include me. I try to put forth an effort to hang out or go do something, but I'm unsuccessful. I feel like I put a lot into my friendships, but I get very little in return. And that doesn't make me happy. So, I've decided to treat others as I am treated. Maybe when I stop answering my phone and don't show up when I say I will, they will get the message. I don't want to give up my friends, but I do think I need a break.

Next, I've been thinking a lot about going "green." I've started recycling at work, and now I do it at home. There is a church right down the road where I can drop off paper to be recycled. It looks like a dumpster, but it's green and yellow. I think they only do paper, so that's all I'm doing right now. I've also started to try to buy more earth freindly products, especially cleaning products. I've been searching for a reusable bag that folds up, so I can put groceries in it, but I have been unsuccessful. I've also decided that I'm going to start shopping at the Farmers Market. It's healthier, and it supports the local farmers. I haven't been yet, but I will soon. I'm just trying to become more aware of what I do to the planet.

The biggest thing that has been on my mind is my weight. I've been doing a lot of research of how to become healthier. I don't want to diet. I want to learn how to eat right, therefore changing my lifestyle. I've started looking at the calories on everything I pick up. I've been trying to eat breakfast everyday, and also take my lunch to work. I bought a ton of those 100 calorie packs to have around for snacks. I haven't been very strict on my calorie intake, but I have been more aware of it.

I'm the biggest I've ever been. I weigh 205 lbs. I'm fat. I've never told anyone that, because I'm so ashamed. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could be this big. And my weight is the main reason why I am not happy. I hide behind my weight. It hinders me socially. I feel like the fatest person in the room. I feel like no guy will ever be attracted to me because I'm fat. I don't feel attractive in anything. I even look bad in my pajamas. I wear a size 18 pants, and I buy XXL in shirts. I cut the tags out of my shirts so nobody will know what size I wear. I don't know how I got this big. It's just like one day I woke up and I was 20 lbs heavier. I'm so big that it seems almost impossible to loose the weight. And I don't have to be skinny, I just want to be healthy.

I figure if I get it all out there, then I can't hide from it anymore. I can't pretend that I'm not overweight. If I don't do something about this now, then I will just get bigger. And I want to be healthy about losing weight. I'm not going on a diet, or starving myself, or anything like that. I know it's going to take me a long time, but if I can just stick it out, it will be so sweet in the end. I've already started working my way towards eating better, but I need to get on the ball. I also need to start excersing. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. I know that I'm a good person, I'm smart, funny, sweet, and that I'm a pretty girl, but I don't feel like people see that because all they see is fat.

So, hopefully I'm on the road to a better Lacey.